Hoping things will be better soon.

I've been going through a lot lately. This ovarian cancer isn't fun. Neither are the medicines or the vitamins that I take everyday for to keep myself alive and well. Dont get me started on the horrible, HORRIBLE side effects that come with it all. I am lucky I am alive from the last cancer meds which I had painful reactions too. Another reason why I havent been on my blog is because I've been trying to help my mother and I stay above water financially. Im.just grateful.our insurance pays for three quarters of all this medical sh*t. I'm doing all what i can through my tarot cards and craft business to keep us a float. Its difficult with these minor to moderate side effects. One of them is confusion, another is lucid dreaming and night terrors. Sometimes I cannot tell if I'm still dreaming or not. I have to pinch myself to make sure of that this is indeed reality and not a dream. S*cks but what can I do?

Also, I am still trying to help my girl friend and her cousin with the coping of her daughters death. She was one of the victims in the Uvalde Texas school shooting. There was a death in my mothers side of the family as well. It is still very hard for me to cope with or even think about my uncle Gary. He was suffering from a horrible diagnosis and died this Memorial day weekend. I haven't been taking it well. With all the whirl wind of great memories i had with Uncle Gary, I still wish I could hug him one last time. 😭 Maybe mom and I can go to the funeral, but with all thats been happening lately I dont think we should. With mom having another lung infection and with my own personal medical problems, I just dont know if we should risk it.😥 My mother is in a lot of emotional pain still from the recent occurrences too. 

     The week before my uncle Gary passed, Mom and I helped our friend, Angel out by giving them temporary santuary at our house. We thought it would be a good idea since they had told us they would be moving soon up north. One last Texas hurrah before Angel spread their wings and flew to their next big journey. During Angels stay i really, REALLY didn't want them to see how much pain I was in. They were going through enough as it was. So I tried my very best to hide my pain. Yes, some days I have no pain or too many side effects, others I just have to go to my room and cry into my pillow and hope for the best. 

     During the time Angel was here, I was desperately trying to smile, but on the inside I was trying to hide my tears from the ovary pain and inflammation. Angel was a great friend of ours. We thought they were part of our little Witchy soul sibling circle. Just goes to show for when you give love, kindness and shelter to someone who you deeply care about, sometimes that person throws everything you've given to them back into your face. This hurt so bad on so many levels. I dont understand why some people can be so cruel! Angel was like a blood sibling to me and yet all what mom and I did for them, still...it meant nothing. For almost 2 weeks we gave shelter, food and the purest of intentions to them. 

     I cant help being confused, I cant help if I have crying spells, I can't help stop the twice or more times a month bleeding from my southern area. I am trying my best to be there for people who I love and care about as much as i can. I try my hardest to be there for myself too. It's very difficult for me to remember important details. I have to write everything down. How much the pain lasts, how much I bleed and how long. I have to make sure every day to be aware of severe side effects. Last time it almost cost me my life.

 Those texts Angel left...hurt. Clearly they dont know me or what I have been going through lately. I dont know why they assumed I had stole from the Michael's store and Barns and Nobles? I have the paper receipts! What the H*LL, Angel? You can call me all the names you want, but what broke our friendship was when YOU stole my mothers vape pen. She needs that to sleep! You should be ashamed of yourself! Stealing from a 68 year old women and her disabled daughter? I know one thing is for sure. No misdeed goes unpunished. Angel, I hope and pray your journey is safe, and that you will treat others better than they treated my mom and I. 

With all what's been happening in my mothers and myself lives, its just too overwhelming right now. I guess the moral life lesson here is be careful who you let into your circle cause sometimes those same folks are not who you think they are. That, and life sometimes stinks.😔

     Doing all what I can to keep positive. Hoping for rays of sunshine to be around the corner. As my Nana used to say, "Patience is a virtue, Juli." And my abuelas quote, "Theres always a beautiful rainbow after a hurrican, mija. Things will not stay like this forever." Mom and I are hoping for the best here. Doing all what we can to keep positive and stay strong. Sometimes that's all you can do. ✨🤞🏼🌈🤞🏼✨